The Circle Is Full
It’s the smidge of humanity that remains.
I feel, in circles.
When you see the abuse reappear after all the years, after all of the hours of torment
The breath, the wave, the grasp, the tears
The reflection — the ghost — of self that remains.
Carousel by Jordan Connor Christie, Indianapolis' Best Luxury Photographer, At The Indiana State Fair
A burst of intuition — the guidance, the push to begin. Again.
Back from square one.
The voice in your gut tells you so. A leap.
Of faith.
For more; for better.
Intimate trust with the start.
Free flow, one step at a time, to build, create, begin again. Create, make, start.
Flow state.
Knowing you are right where you are meant to be, if you just do the damn thing.
What is on the to-do list that is easy? I am sure everything on that want list is easier than we think.
Why not just. do. With wild abandon from the hearsay, the naysay, the do-nots, have-nots, will-nots, shall-nots
Be. Come. Do.
Your truth innate and alive with wisdom for more.
To go back to the fresh idea and make a move.
Make a move, bitch!
You know what you want
So take it.
Demand it with your breath.
Your body.
Your balls, the lump in your throat and all.
🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
You know you had to let go.
She just did it.
Like the leaves of a tree, let go of the waste, the thoughtlessness, lack of care, undesirable intention and …
demand better.
When you speak up for your truth, you are your truth. You are the story. And The Writer.
These are your choices.
So where does the passion go?
With the new idea,
Your ideal.
Invest in the newness, feel alive and fresh.
Take one step towards the path,
Re-align if need be.
Ask for support and help if you can.
Help others do the same when you can.
Knowing deep in the gut, nay, the womb, that you have to.
Have to leave the boy who calls himself a man.
Who isn’t.
Isn’t more than false idolization of the party.
The night light that wanders, insane.
Doing the same, the boring, the useless, over and over again — where is the will to live? Be passionate and truly alive in the Wholeness of being with another — when one is drowning and reaching for a life vest, the other places a hand on their head to keep them down.
You grow wings and you fly forth.
Because you choose life.
You are worthy.
Of living for.
My Why.
What the fuck!?
Back to the beginning. How could I be so lost that I fell for the distasteful, the degenerate, the lack of love?!
Self-love.
That’s all I really wanted for my past loves, was to truly try to teach them how to love themselves more.
And I did. I tried.
Did it work? I won’t be granted that answer because the past is too painful, the bridge is burnt. A man may still be a child.
I want a life that is mine. I want to move away, fly, be free from the chains of waste and waiting.
Wanting.
That is the beginning.
Desire so great; she will not be silenced nor ignored.
Memory happens like flashes of a carousel, lights on a skyscraper, glitter in the sky.
Carving space for making meaning of experiences, honoring the ghost of Her, who is with you still.
The new version, She will make a name out of.
By making an example of Him, She takes the first bite of cake.
This is a celebration, the reclamation; seeing the whisper of apparition appealing to the present.
Fully alive, in love, aware, sober, helped, supported, desired, adored, loved, full.
Present. To be held. Here.
Now.
Most grateful.
I appreciate the past because it has taken me here. I know my why, but I am unsure of my where.
I want to move because I feel that location is key. Carving my ideal space is locked, trapped with the painful past versions of “failure.”
Okay so I don’t want to be perceived as having failed…but the power I gained from calling that motherfucker out struck me as permanent truth.
Fuck with me and I will mess you up.
By telling the truth.
Because it is the truth within me, via my lived experience.
Gaining all the other keys.
Release the fear, shame, guilt, distrust, lack of love, untruths we tell ourselves.
Turn the wheels of time and your chakras to create, fathom anew, distill the one thing.
You are one drop in the whole, yet every action matters. Every action has a reaction. The truth speaks volumes and we progress. His life forever changed because in loving myself so hard, I showed him how to do it.
How I do it.
Standing tall, at 5’2”
Proud; at peace alone.
A piece of the puzzle managed.
The wonder, who worries? Not I.
I trust.
I hold the vision of the carved space, the lights on, and women basking in their power.
The lens is in my hands.
I know the powers I possess and I choose to activate them daily.
Alive.
Because I can.
Because I chose.
Choose.
Me.
Her.
Here.
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